Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I'm really craving something to munch on right now. I think that's the hardest thing for me to overcome, my sudden cravings for snack foods that are absolutely horrible for me. I've had two mini kit-kats already. I'm avoiding eating a third by typing this out. I have fruit salad in the fridge, but it's not a snack-y food. Maybe I should try to find some healthy trail mix? I've been trying to find these Gobi Berries I've been reading about, but my grocery stores don't seem to carry them. I may have to make a trip to Trader Joe's or a whole foods store to get them. They're supposed to be super good for you and a good snack. I wonder if they taste like cranberries...hm...I'm going to have to find out.

I tried Quinoa the other day. Not so great. It came highly recommend for it's fiber and protein content, but not so tasty. It smells and tastes like dirt almost. Like if you were to smell a bale hay. You're supposed to wash it before you cook it, and then pour the granules in to boiling water, but the things are so dang tiny that I can't figure out a way to soak/wash them, and then get them in to the boiling water without pouring the wash water in too. Which kind of defeats the purpose of washing them. There is no colander or strainer with small enough holes that these things won't just flow through, so I'm at a loss. How do I wash them so that dirt taste/smell goes away but also so I don't lose half of them in the process?! It's a conundrum.

Right now I'm sticking with my Slim-Fast breakfast, soup for lunch and 250 cal TV dinner for dinner. All in all, my daily calorie intake is somewhere around 1200. So far it's working, but when I get in this snacking mind-set, it's so easy to go over that! Okay, getting my mind off the subject. I'm not really hungry, I'm just thinking about food which is making me "think" I'm hungry. More water for me...

Friday, September 4, 2009

Turns out

My stomach just can't handle Taco Bell like it used to. Guess that's a good thing. 158 and counting!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

My SELF Challenge

So, as of yesterday, I have joined the SELF Magazine Challenge to improve upon myself. I have been unhappy with my weight for a very long time, but I never really did anything about it. I mean, for a while at the beginning of the year, I was going to the gym 4 days a week doing cardio and 2 days doing strength training. I did this for about 4 months and it did absolutely nothing for me. I had a personal trainer for a while and man did she kick my butt, but I still didn’t seem to lose any weight. She kept trying to reassure me that I was gaining muscle and losing fat, so even though my weight may have stayed the same or gone up, I was losing inches, which was what I wanted. But when she took my measurements after 2 months, not only did my weight continue to increase, so did my inches. She was at a loss and couldn’t explain why such a thing was happening.

Then came the food journal. I was to write down every single thing I put in my body. So I did. Every day, I wrote down what I ate at what time and how much (guessing). Again, based on what I was eating, she couldn’t figure out why I was still gaining weight. To be honest, I don’t know if I will ever know. Maybe my heart wasn’t in it enough, maybe my body was just rebelling against me, but every test the doctor has done have all come back normal. For a while I thought maybe it was a thyroid problem, but I guess that was ruled out.

Then, 2 weeks ago, to my horror, I tried on my wedding dress and it didn’t fit, when just in April I tried it on and there was no problem. I was able to get it mostly zipped up (about 2 inches from the top, but that was with nothing on underneath. I still had to manage to get the corset bra and underskirt to fit underneath! Granted, by this time I had given up on working out and trying to eat better because it was doing absolutely nothing for me. Believe me, my depression deepened. I couldn’t stop crying and I felt awful. I was disgusted with myself that I could let that happen. I really think that was my low point. When I realized that it didn’t matter if it wasn’t working, I had to start again, no matter how small. I would go on a liquid diet if I had to lose the weight. Brian, the sweetheart that he is, offered to go to the gym with me after months and months of trying to get him to go. I don’t think he could bear to see me that upset.

So, starting that night, I had a bowl of Special K for dinner instead of a box of macaroni and cheese, and I can eat a whole box without even trying. It’s sickening really. The next day I had another bowl for breakfast, soup for lunch, and another bowl for dinner. I was going off of the theory that Special K had put out there a couple of years ago “Replace two meals with a bowl of Special K and lose up to two pounds in two weeks.” I also started an at home work out my mom had sent me from Self Magazine. I looked at it thinking, “man this looks so simple! I can do this no problem.” There are 9 exercises and you only need to do 12 reps of each exercise. I was out of breath and sweating at the end! I couldn’t believe how these simple moves could make me so tired!

The next day I was sore and I was so sore the day after that I could barely get out of my office chair! I continued eating my bowls of Special K with a light lunch, and only fruit as snacks and Brian and I started swimming laps in the pool at the gym. I did 5 laps in 30 minutes my first day. We have gone two more times since and I have added a lap each time. So on Tuesday, I was up to 7 laps in 30 minutes. We’re going again tonight and I’m going to try to do 8. I could probably go more, but I’m trying not to push myself and I want to gradually work up to being able to swim for 60 minutes, not just 30.

I’ve also started using Slim-Fast. I have the chocolate drink mix and some snack bars. I got it because I was getting tired of Special K (I don’t know how people can eat it twice a day for two whole weeks!). Today I didn’t stick to the directions very well, but I’m also planning on working out to make up for it.

So far, I’ve used this workout: http://www.self.com/fitness/workouts/2009/08/antiaging-exercises-slideshow This is the one that had me walking funny for 3 days because my legs were so sore! I used two 3lb. weights (one for each hand). I’ve also begun to explore the other workouts they have on their site. It’s almost an endless number really. I have a few that I’m going to try to combine and see what my progress is.

The great thing about joining this challenge is it motivates me to watch what I eat, count my calories, and I can keep track of all my workout and what I eat. It makes me feel good when I can add a workout to my log because I know I’ve done something good for myself. I’m hoping this will also help with my stress and depression. They say exercise can help create endorphins which make you happy and plus it will make me feel better about myself. I can’t remember a time, pretty much ever, that I actually was happy with my appearance. There was/is always something (usually everything actually) I didn’t like about my body and I’m hoping to change my opinion of myself.

I started at 162 pounds (Last Monday) and this morning I was 160. I don’t feel any difference in my clothes or anything yet, but I think it’s too soon to tell. I think something that is important is to make sure I weigh myself with the same scale every say with the same variables. I try to do it in the morning after I go to the bathroom, but before I take a shower, undressed – to get my “true weight”. I just have to keep it up. Wish me luck!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Audrina Fatih Carter

This is a re-post of my mom's blog about my niece, Audrina Faith Carter. To see the original post and larger photos go here.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A New Baby is Born!

Today at 7:30am we welcomed our new granddaughter Audrina Faith into the world. She was due this Saturday but she couldn't wait that long she wanted to join the family early. She weighed 6lb 13oz, 19 in long and has brown hair. Her mother Alicia was such a trooper. We made two trips to the hospital yesterday, 7am and 4pm dilated to 2cm before we came back at 10pm for good. Some of you may not know this but we have a pizza parlor in Antioch called Skipolinis Pizza. They have a "Prego" pizza and if you eat this pizza you may go into labor within 24 hours. It is very famous for this and even the nurses and doctors say to stop by there for dinner, lol. Well, we all went there yesterday at 6pm and she had 2-3 pieces and was admitted at 10am and by 1am she was 5cm. This girl pushed this baby out in 20 minutes flat! and the rest is history.

I am soooooooooo tired. I am not used to being up for more than 24 hours so now I am going to sleep.

Please look at our beautiful granddaughter just moments old, they are not in any particular order.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Road So Far

Okay all, this is going to be a short one since it is 10:20pm EST and I'm in Orlando, FL and I'm running on only 3 hours of sleep from last night, but I wanted to take the time to write anyway.

Just a quick update:

I am currently in Orlando, Florida for work (on travel again). Since Monday, I have been in Boston, MA; Atlanta, GA and here in Orlando. It has been a very busy week. Today and tomorrow are the first time I actually get to stay in a single hotel for more than one night; which means I actually get to take things out of my bags! AND... it just so happened that we saved the best for last! This hotel, the Homewood Suites in Orlando is by far the nicest hotel we have stayed in yet and it's not the most expensive. No joke, I have a full kitchen with a full size fridge, a stove, a dishwasher, a separate living room and bedroom, a vanity, two tvs and more... ALL TO MYSELF (I'll post pics when I get back)! I just wish we got to stay longer so I could enjoy it more. But, at the same time, I am very anxious to get back home since I leave again for MI and MN on Tuesday....

In Atlanta, I got to see two very important people, Larsen and George! I was so excited to finally get to see them again! Even though we all keep in contact, it's not the same as seeing each other in person. We were hainging out and catching up until nearly 2:30am last night, hense the 3 hours of sleep, but it was well worth it! I miss those guys so much and I cannot wait until Larsen gets a job back in Sac (HOPEFULLY DAVIS) and they can all move back here!

I am excited becasue after tomorrow's meeting, I don't have to immediately get on a plane like I have been all week (I have flown every day since Monday)! I actually get to relax for a little before my 6:30am flight back to Sacramento on Friday. Heather (an FDA person we are traveling with) has also said that depending on her schedule tomorrow, she may be able to take me around to see the sights some since she's been here plenty of times before and she has her own rental car. I'm excited about that and I hope we actually get to go!

Okay, I know I said this would be a short one, but I didn't realize how fast at typing that this job has actually made me, so it took me less than 5 minutes to do it all! Pretty amazing for me! I'm happy with that! Okay, I'll really go now....

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Trip to Lansing, MI and Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota

I'm finally back from my week business trip to Michigan and Minnesota. It was a long, hard week. I was stressed to the max the whole time. All this traveling is starting to get to me, and now I have to go again in February to MA, GA, FL, MI, and MN again all within two weeks. I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle that. But I guess we'll find out in a few weeks.

One thing that helped me to relax was being 3 minutes away from the Mall of America in Bloomington, MN. I'm not a real big shopper, I mean, I like to go with friends or my mom to hang out, but going by myself is not so thrilling to me (usually). But on this trip, it was like therapy. It allowed me to get away from the work situation for a few hours and actually enjoy myself on one of these trips.

Here are a few pictures of the Mall and of my hotels in MI and MN. It was snowing in both locations and it got down to -12 degrees F in Minnesota. It was freezing, but I made it out alive!

This is part of the new Nickelodeon Amusement park in the Mall.

There's a full size Best Buy in the Mall too!

This is a picture of the inside of my hotel room in the Radisson Hotel - Bloomington at the Mall of America. It had an indoor water park!!! Too bad it's only open on the weekends in January. That's why there are bunk beds in the rooms, they're all made for families. The rooms were huge and very nice.

The Lego Store in the Mall. It was huge, like the one in Downtown Disney.

And lastly, this is a view from my hotel room in Lansing, MI. It snowed every day we were there. It wasn't as cold as Minnesota, but it was beautiful! I've never really seen it snow like that. It was an experience to remember.


I read this this morning and I think it speaks for itself. My life could be a lot worse and I am thankful for my family and friends for doing all they could to give me the world. Thank for giving me a better life.

"struggle Reviewer: Anonymous 12/6/08i am 16 years old.i was 15 when i lived with my mother.she was on every drug there was and an alcoholic.we lived in a motel with fleas there.failed school she was never home some times i had no way of finding a way to school.i would always have panic attacks and anxieties all the time in the middle of class suffered depression...still do.so we moved back to the place were we were raised so me and my mom lived there.her girlfriend would beat me i was a slave cleaning and doing everything they wanted or they WOULD beat me and lock me up in this little room.only a bed could fit in there.and finally got free.my dad rescued me but i used to live with him and my three brothers. i decided to move in with my mom bc they use to verbally abuse me causing me to try to commit suicide till finally i took a whole bottle of advil and almost went to the hospital to pump my stomach but i refused.after all of that its funny how noone notice.no one cared.never said sorry.cut myslf to day my brother saw it he just said i was stupid and looked away i caught my dad looking at it too he just looked away too.im struggling to stay alive to keep my mind straight.is there any place for me.....in this world?"

Someone's response to her/him:

"I don't know if you will ever visit this site again, so i don't know if you'll ever get to read this, but i couldn't stop myself to at least try.- Yes, there is a place for you in this world. Everyone has it's place, you can trust me on that, and you shouldn't feel unwanted or reject because the people you are with are not the most caring ones. I do not know how much my words can help your grieving heart, but i do hope they can bring you at least a bit of hope, because there are still good people in this world. There are still people who care and know how to love. Be strong and don't let anyone bring you down. Keep your mind strong and your heart opened because you are not alone. Whatever you do, stop cutting yourself. Hurting yourself is not going to solve anything and it won't ease the pain you feel deep in your heart. Keep your head up and when you feel that you can't take it anymore just try and to something else. Go outside and scream, break something, write (yes, write down your thoughts, every single one of them, your dark thoughts, your dreams, whatever is on your mind, write it down) or take a long walk and think about your life. Just don't...hurt yourself, it won't help you.I wish you all the best that this world and life has to offer, don't lose hope, believe and things will get better, you'll see."

I hope that "Struggle" gets the opportunity to read that person's response and takes it to heart. No one deserves a life like that. Especially at sixteen years old.